Category: Humor

But as Erma Bombeck said, “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” As a result, when choosing what jokes to tell we should follow the golden rule and not be offensive or insensitive. So how do we avoid jokes that are crass, racist, religionist, sexist, homophobic, or ableist?

A safe place to start could be a corny joke kids often tell:

• Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
  

Because it’s pointless.

• Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

• What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing… it just waved.

But if we start with kids play, the joke will more likely elicit a groan than laughter dispensing medicine.

So what about a malapropism, the unintentional humorous misuse or distortion of a word? Church bulletins are a great place to find such bloopers:

• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
• Carol is asking prayer for a good autopsy result.
• Hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

And then there’s the humor in choosing correct words that are strung together poorly: 

• The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and deterioration of several others.

So what about all those disability jokes? Do they distinguish between humor that denigrates and humor that enlightens?

• I’m not saying short people are inferior, but I do look down on them.
• I dated a girl with a lazy eye once, but she was seeing someone else on the side.
• How do you end two deaf people arguing?

Switch off the light.

• What test does a person with Down syndrome do well on?

A DNA test, they get a 47 out of 46.

Is disability humor off limits? Do people with disabilities need to get a thicker skin when cruel or tasteless jokes are made at our expense? Do we agree with Nicolas Steenhout that disability humor is part of disability culture? Perhaps the answer lies in understanding that jokes about people with disabilities are not funny, but jokes by people with disabilities can be.

To dig deeper, I highly recommend reading “Disability Humor, Insults, and Inclusive Practice” by Robin M. Smith and Mara Sapon-Shevin, December 12, 2012. State University of New York, Cortland. http://sites.cortland.edu/sasc/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2012/12/Disability-Humor-Final.pdf And to automatically receive weekly posts in your email inbox subscribe to my blog at https://angelamuirvanetten.com.

Driving in New Zealand

A quiet country road should have been a safe place for this American to practice driving on the left side of the road. However, driving on a metal (gravel) surface made it more challenging.

After telling my husband of two days to drive in the middle tracks carved out by prior traffic, I suddenly yelled, “Pull left! PULL LEFT!” I had not told him that when oncoming traffic approaches, both vehicles slow down, and pull over to their left. So when a gigantic truck suddenly rounded the corner and sped toward us in the same center tracks we were in, Robert held to his position in the center.

Somehow amid my yelling and the imminence of a head-on collision, Robert finally pulled left. The truck flew by leaving a trail of dust and our shattered nerves behind him.

Cooking

When we were first married, Robert said he liked his pea soup thick and was surprised when I obliged with soup that was so thick you could stand your spoon up in it. We had enough left over to have re-fried soup for breakfast.

I made a flaming impression on Robert’s amateur radio friend and son when they came for dinner. Just as they arrived, the meal caught on fire and flames flashed from the oven. I avoided using the fire extinguisher and salvaged the dinner, but for some reason Jim wanted us to eat at his place after that.

“Goggling” on land (not a typo)

Robert has a trademark trick for avoiding the tears when cutting onions. He wears goggles!

In 1983, I submitted two photos of Robert for the Boston, Massachusetts Little People of America conference brochure—a funny one for the planning committee’s personal pleasure and a serious one for publication. But the committee shared the joke with everyone. In the gallery of national officers, Robert sported a snorkel and goggles in contrast to the formal attire of the other officers.

Talking a mile a minute

The morning after my 2013 Aortic Valve Replacement surgery, I was alert, the intubation tube was out, and I was asking for water and my glasses. When ICU staff sat me up, I was talking a mile a minute. Robert’s sister stopped me because my surgeon was standing at the door. He said I reminded him of his wife and declared Robert a saint.

The stories in this post are edited excerpts from “Pass Me Your Shoes” available on Amazon as an e-book and a 52% discount in print. Read more at https://angelamuirvanetten.com/pass-me-your-shoes/

DWARFISM TRILOGY VALENTINE’S SPECIAL: email me at angela@angelamuirvanetten.com to request all three books autographed—Dwarfs Don’t Live in Doll Houses, Pass Me Your Shoes, and Always an Advocate—for $20, plus $4.00 postage.

• When I said, “ushers use a torch in a theater” people imagined a flaming fire instead of a flashlight.
• When I asked Bobby if he wanted cotton to tie the roast he was stuffing, he could not see how cotton would be of any use and asked instead for thread.
• When asking for a biscuit, I got what looked like a bun and tasted like a scone. I should have asked for a cookie.

Six months after starting a new job, a kindergarten height toilet suddenly appeared in the bathroom. I was transported into the fantasy land of Goldilocks and the Three Bears: one for papa bear (wheelchair height), one for mama bear (regular height), and one for baby bear (my height). I had to ask, What did the company think I’d been doing all this time when I needed to use the bathroom?

At a family Christmas gathering it was too late to go tree shopping so my brother and brother-in-law foraged for a tree on a dark country road. They returned with a beauty that impressed everyone. Well, at least Dad enjoyed it until he went to golf. His grief was the inspiration for our Scruples game addendum question: You are a member of a golf club. Your son chopped down a prized tree at the 18th hole. Do you tell that the tree is in your living room?

And one more story not in the book.

Five years after Robert narrowly missed a head-on collision on our honeymoon, he dared to drive in New Zealand again. Instead of his wife yelling “PULL LEFT, PULL LEFT,” upon arrival at his destination a stranger yelled, “THE PIGS, THE PIGS.” Robert was mystified, what pigs? So, the lady showed him the clothes “pegs” placed on the car roof when the clothes were taken off the clothes line. To Robert’s American ear, pegs sounded like pigs.  Can you imagine how slowly Robert was driving for those clothes pins to still be on the roof?

“So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life.” Ecclesiastes 8:15a (New Living Testament).

Read the five star customer reviews at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble and order your copy of Pass Me Your Shoes today. For more information, go to my website at https://angelamuirvanetten.com/

Contest (open from October 12-26 midnight)

Start having fun by entering this week’s contest to win a $25 digital Amazon Gift Card.  In 100 words or less, share a funny story or photo with a caption about dwarfism or disability. The story or photo should be about yourself or a family member. Post your story or captioned photo as a comment on my October 12^th One Smile Worth 2,000 Chocolate Bars blog post at https://angelamuirvanetten.com/blog/. All submissions will be entered into a drawing.  Subscribe to my blog for a second entry into the drawing. I will announce the winner as a comment on this post on or about October 26^th and on my Facebook Author page at https://www.facebook.com/MuirVanEttenTrilogy.