Not Your Typical Father’s Day Story

In the early stages, we knew something was wrong with dad even though he still lived independently. Dad also knew things weren’t right. In a notebook filled with random thoughts and reminders he wrote, “I am definitely ready to stop work.  I’m no longer sharp enough to carry on in real estate.” He described himself as muddled and mixed up.

As dad’s condition regressed from mild to moderate, he repeatedly misplaced things, became more temperamental, and got lost in the town where he grew up and once knew like the back of his hand. Alzheimers is correctly dubbed “a family disease” given the impact the diagnosis has on family members. When dad needed more support, my brother and sister shared caregiving duties. But they had to contend with his refusal to eat less and exercise more, confusion, restlessness, and agitation as he tried to remember what he had forgotten. If he remembered what he was looking for, he usually didn’t find it. He even needed reminders to shower and change clothes.

When dad reached the severe stage of Alzheimers, he needed 24/7 care to keep him safe. All three siblings and spouses accompanied him on the day he moved into an aged care residence. Dad was warmly greeted by staff and was all smiles when he was served a delicious three-course meal. We handled it like any other day and left him saying, “We’ll see you later.” He never protested this change of residence.

For the next five years family and friends mourned the gradual loss of dad’s cheerful personality, corny jokes, smile, conversation, alertness, memory, ability to read and enjoy family photos, and physical functions of walking and feeding himself. So when we gathered for his memorial services we were ready to eulogize his 81 years of life. In his home church at Papakura East Presbyterian we celebrated his passing into eternity with Jesus—the one dad greeted every morning with “Good morning Lord” after opening the bedroom curtains.

We remembered the good times along with dad’s many sayings:

• Civility hurts no one.
• I’m seldom right, but I’m never wrong.
• Patience is a virtue seldom possessed by a woman and never by a man.
• Answering the phone, Santa Claus speaking or Russian Embassy.
• There are only 364 days until Christmas (his annual quip on December 26^th).
• If someone gives you trouble, kick them in the shins and climb up the bumps (his advice to me as a child).

This post includes highlights from “Pass Me Your Shoes,” the second book in my dwarfism trilogy, chapter 24, Dad’s Alzheimer’s Disease. Buy links are available on my website at https://angelamuirvanetten.com/pass-me-your-shoes/.